


S4E5: Ain't Playing Games

by 16_starz



Category: Baku (Web Series), Henry Stickmin Series (Video Games)
Genre: Can't Have Shit in Detroit, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, Gen, Henry used he/they!, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I'm so sorry, Memes, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, gamestop, hello stickmintwt, i made henry talk way more in this, mentions of guns, shitpost, shits and giggles, this is for the simphat clan discord, why do schoolwork when i can write about stick figures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:47:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26412895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/16_starz/pseuds/16_starz
Summary: Henry went to GameStop to trade in some games, but of course it ain't that simple. Reginald's looking for some action, too. They might be on that nut pack. This GameStop... but we ain't playing games.
Relationships: Henry Stickmin & Hubert Galeforce, Reginald Copperbottom & Henry Stickmin, Rupert Price & Henry Stickmin
Kudos: 13





	S4E5: Ain't Playing Games

**Author's Note:**

> i am so sorry to curse you with this. it came to me in a vivid form of brainrot, and i couldn't turn it down.  
> here's the video that this crackfic was _heavily_ inspired by this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hg28xW5D93o  
> if you can't access the video, the audio is right here, too: https://soundcloud.com/kinggucciswagman/aint-playing-games-gamestop-baku-series-s4e5 (tho if you can watch the video, please do! the visuals are so much funnier i promise)  
> if you enjoy this hot mess, consider giving kudos and leaving a comment! who knows, i might shit out more of this for you.

The creaking of the glass door and the familiar ring of a shop bell filled the silence in the air of the local GameStop. Henry’s left arm had pushed against the door to open it; his hands were occupied with holding an average-sized, basic brown cardboard box. Inside of it were a few cases for different games they no longer needed, along with a couple of handheld consoles.  _ ‘Yeah, I’m here to trade in some games,’  _ Henry thought to himself. They could have said it out loud, because it looked like there were  _ no employees  _ here. The sign claimed that the GameStop was open, but could he be wrong about thinking the store was actually open?

Nah. They couldn’t be wrong. After all, who forgets to lock shop up at the end of their shift?  
So Henry continued, taking reckless steps towards the counter. Nobody seemed to be manning the register, which they found odd. _‘Where the fuckin employees at?’_ He monologued. Certainly, the GameStop wouldn’t just be...empty. Anybody (like Henry) could come in at any time, take whatever they pleased, and just leave. However, Henry had _much_ higher standards, and they wouldn’t steal from some run-down, crummy GameStop. Then again, the employees could just be in the back, and Henry wouldn’t know.

One thing that he did know, however, was that this box was  _ heavy,  _ and they needed to set it down fast or their arms would give out. He cleared his throat, and called out, “Where y’all hoe ass motherfuckers at?” His throat felt sore after yelling out for an employee. They never felt the need to use their voice; he was more of an action kind of guy. (Too bad he didn’t notice the bell on the counter. It was hidden behind a box of pamphlets.)

Henry heard the shuffling of tennis shoes against carpet, and turned their head to the source of the sound. His eyes landed on - thank God - an employee. The bright red shirt was the first thing that Henry had noticed. Their eyes quickly examined the employee, noting that his name was Rupert, his shirt wasn't tucked into his pants, and he had a dark mullet. Henry cringed at the fact. But he was quickly pulled back into the real world when Rupert muttered, “Ay, shut the  _ fuck  _ up, man,” and took his place by the cash register.

Henry looked over at the employee, noting how irritated he looked. They cleared their throat, and asked, “How much I get for these games?” He lifted the box up, and placed it on the counter with a small  _ thud.  _

“Ight, lemme see,” Rupert grumbled out, barely glancing into the box. His face twisted in disgust, before announcing, “god... _ DAMN,  _ these games ain’t worth  _ shit  _ for nothin’!”

“Ay, shut that shit, dawg,” Henry retaliated, furrowing their eyebrows. He didn’t even look in the box! How can the employee just say that without even knowing? Henry reached into the box, taking out one of the game cases. “I got...Final Fantasy, XI, XIV.”  
Rupert crossed his arms over his body, watching Henry fiddle around with the games in the cardboard box. 

“Uh...GTA Five… _ Two- _ ”

“Yeah, for these games,” Rupert took the pause as an opportunity for him to speak, “you deserve  _ JAIL TIME,  _ not money.”

Henry ignored Rupert’s negative connotations, they continued pulling games out to try and persuade him, “...Crazy Taxi, on the Sega Dreamcast.”

“I’m glad I came to work  **strapped.** ”

“Gameboy SP-”

“These ugly ass games; alright,” Rupert rolled his eyes, and pointed to the door. His free hand leaned against the counter as he yelled, “Get, the fu-fu- _ fuck,  _ **_out!_ ** ”

Henry furrowed their eyebrows, still protesting against the pessimistic minimum wage worker. “Dawg, this the fuckin’ collector’s edition!” He shook his hand that held the Gameboy console, almost as if they were showing it off. That didn’t seem to faze Rupert, though.

“Well then, collect your shit,” he crossed his arms again, his eyebrows knitting together too, “and _dip._ ”  
“Y’all bitches don’t know games when you see ‘em,” Henry shook their head, putting down the handheld console on top of the two games he already presented, “look…” he mumbled, taking out a Wii game case. “ ** _SMASH BROTHERS BRAWL._** ”  
“Oh, don’t _ever_ come back here again,” Rupert cringed at the three words that came out of this persistent customer’s mouth. What kind of drugs do you have to be on to think that Smash Brothers Brawl classifies as a worthy game to sell?

“Got me _fucked_ up,” they muttered out angrily; Henry’s free hand clenched into a fist at his side, “just give me some cash!”  
“Yeah, let’s take a look- _oh,_ we got... _nothing,_ in the cash register!” Rupert defended almost instantly, opening the register to his left to the point where only he could peek in. Henry figured he could be lying to get him to leave, so he leans over the counter to try and get a peek-

Both of them turned their attention to the sound of a bell ringing, along with the entrance door creaking open. The notable voice that filled both of their ears commented, “Nothing in the cash register? What’s up with y’all broke bitches in here?”

_ Reginald Copperbottom.  _

He still sported those two tophats stacked upon each other, it seemed. The large, gold chain around Reginald’s neck was one of the other things that Henry had noticed; it almost distracted him from the fact that they were here in a GameStop, still trying to get some money from their games in the cardboard box he left on the counter.

“The fuck are you doin’?” Henry asked, arching an eyebrow at the Toppat leader in the doorway. Reginald could ruin this opportunity for Henry, so they had to be defensive about it.

“Holdup, check it,” the Toppat leader shooed at Henry with a wave of his hand, striding up to the counter casually. He opened up his dress jacket, and mumbled out, “look at this... **_CARS on the PSP._ ** ” Reggie pulled out a game case, and sure enough, it  _ was  _ Cars for the PSP.

“ _ God,  _ **_D A M N,_ ** ” Rupert’s eyes widened, and his voice reverberated in the (almost) deserted GameStop.

“What the  _ fuck, _ ” Henry pinched the bridge of their noise, resisting against sighing audibly.

“So y’all throwin’ bands or nah?” the Toppat leader asked smugly, to which Rupert replied eagerly.

“Yeah, I got...600 dollars-”  
“600 dollars?” Henry parroted, practically dumbstruck.

“Fuck yeah, man, I needed some dough,” Reginald commented smugly, putting the game case back into his jacket, and glancing over at Henry. They seemed like they were  _ fuming. _

“So you gonna play me like I’m pussy?” Henry asked, his tone making the question sound like a statement. Rupert looked up from the cash register, a frown making way back onto the employee’s face.

“You,” he started, placing a hand on his hip, “came in  _ disrespectful. _ ”

“ **_I’LL FUCK UP THE_ ** **WHOLE** **_STAFF IN HERE,_ ** ” Henry initiated, leaning towards Rupert. He flinched away from the customer, almost looking threatened; “ **_EMPLOYEES, MANAGERS-_ ** ”

As if on cue, a police siren wailed outside of the GameStop. The bell chirped, announcing that a new customer came in. But this wasn’t a customer. It was a police officer instead. He had a long, gray beard that ended just above his upper torso, and he didn’t look too happy with the three men in the store. The siren wailed again before the officer stepped into the GameStop fully and approached the counter. His name tag had “GALEFORCE” engraved into the silver plate.

His voice was deep and booming, as he announced, “Yeah, we got a little sit _ ua _ tion.” Galeforce turned towards Reginald and Henry, asking, “Who in here doing illegal shit?”

Rupert ignored the question that the cop offered. Instead, he sneered, “Officer, get these, bi-bi- _bitches,_ outta my sight!”  
“You have the right to shut that _shit_ up,” he waved his finger at the employee, and turned his attention back to his two suspects, “anything you say or do...it doesn’t fucking matter, one of y’all getting arrested.”

“ _Shiiiiet,_ ” Henry cursed under his breath  
“Well it ain’t gon’ be me,” Reginald claimed, crossing his arms and turning his head up in a matter-of-factly way.

“Alright, lemme take a look…” Galeforce muttered, scratching the back of his head. Now was the interview. “Have any of you ever...committed larceny?”

“Nah.” Reggie and Henry answered, almost in unison. Henry was a little delayed with their response.

“Motor vehicle theft?”  
“Uh-uh,” Henry shook his head.

“Uh, not recently.” Reginald shrugged, earning an arched eyebrow from Officer Galeforce.

“Homicide..?”

“Nuh-uh,” Reginald shook his head, turning to Henry. They had a pensive look on their face.

“Uh...once or twice.”

Galeforce shot an arched eyebrow at Henry. He earned a strike, too. “Tax fraud?” He asked, watching as both of them shifted in their spots.

“ _ Shit,  _ every year,” Henry admitted, looking down at the ground. Reginald muttered out a “damn” towards him.

“Alright, buddy,” Galeforce cleared his throat, taking the pair of handcuffs on his belt and unlocking them, “you’re coming with me-”

“ **_Y E E T_ ** ” Henry shouted quickly, their voice echoing in the store.

There’s a beat of silence for just a moment. Reginald and Rupert uncovered their eyes after Henry’s defensive scream, glancing around the building to look for the cop that was in here just seconds ago. Rupert breaks the silence, announcing the obvious, “He  _ disappeared, _ ” even he didn’t believe his words, “what the FUCK?”

Reggie smacked his lips, and commented, “I’ve never seen that shit before.”

Henry explains, “I’ve been refining my art.”

“Damn, you outta  _ pocket, _ ” Reginald replied, almost like he was scolding Henry. He turned his attention back to Rupert, continuing the discussion of their business deal, before deciding, “hey homie, I don’t think 600 dollars is gonna cut it.”

Rupert felt enraged, as he should be. He reached into his front pocket, and cocked the small Glock 17 he had in there. As he did this, he asked, “ **So y’all be smoking that** **_nut pack,_ ** **huh?** ” Rupert pointed the gun at both Reginald  _ and  _ Henry, and there was a thick tension in the air.

Reginald’s eyes widened, and he turned to face Henry. “He came to work  _ strapped??? _ ” He asked the thief, sounding bewildered.

Henry merely rolled their eyes and muttered, “I fuckin’ hate Americans.”

“That weak shit-” Reginald quipped to Henry, before remembering that this GameStop employee named Rupert was pointing a loaded  _ gun  _ at them.

“This GameStop,” he monologued, pausing for an effect. “... _ but I ain’t playing games. _ Y’all are at the right place at the right time to get  **_FUCKED UP!_ ** ”

“You can’t fire the gun, homie,” Henry commented, raising an eyebrow, “it’s a still image.” What kind of excuse is that? Of course it wasn’t a still image! But maybe it could confuse him.

“I’m takin’ the money on the next frame,” Reginald muttered, and Rupert grinded his molars together.

“Hand. Off. The fuckin’ PSP game-”

“ **_Y E E T_ ** ” Henry objected loudly, causing the lights to flicker out again.

When they turned back on, Rupert was gone. There was no sight of him, his gun, or his nasty ass mullet. Reginald was stuffing his pockets with the money in the register, and Henry started tossing his own games back into the cardboard box.

Silence stood between the two criminals, before Henry quipped, “Fuckin’ retail employees, dawg, I swear.” They slipped their hands under the box, turning to walk out of the store. “Let’s get outta here.”

**Author's Note:**

> you made it to the end! congrats!  
> consider joining my discord server: https://discord.gg/hJ9qeP6  
> or if you wanna interact with more henry stickmin fans and see me work on other monstrosities like this, consider joining the simphat clan server: https://discord.gg/EVrKW7w  
> anyway, deuces!!


End file.
